The Love Bank

Relationships are a little like having love banks. That is banks which we make deposits and withdrawals from. When we make too many withdrawals, our love bank is emptied and in some cases we can bankrupt our accounts.

When your account is bankrupt whether it be in the corporate world or in life, what most people do is file for bankruptcy or insolvency. This process initiates a number of things but most importantly it starts a process of communication.

If external or third parties are involved which contribute or are part of the relationship, than these parties or people are contacted to begin talks in sorting out the debt.

At this stage, communication is of the highest priority. When communications fail or breakdown then the next step is to take legal action to make claims against the bankrupted person.

Just as in the corporate world, as in life, communication is of the upmost importance when relationships fail. When there is no communication or even worse, when those trying to communicate are being avoided or even attacked by the other parties then miscommunication or reading into the situation will occur. Now, not only is communication lacking which can lead to solving the initial problem but miscommunication might cause people to assume the worst or make decisions which cause greater distress.

In war, those in the know tell us that ensuring communications and supply lines maintained are of the highest priority. When however, those lines are cut, such as when one party in a relationship refuses to communicate or even attack and attempt to hurt the other party because they were initially hurt, what do we do? I believe the only thing we can do is to pray and ask our loving God who knows all things to make a way of communication open again. Whilst at the same time, we must ensure that we in turn do not become offended but continually keep our hearts in check and soft towards reconciliation.

The one condition, if any, that is placed on our forgiveness by God is that we in turn forgive those who sin against us. As Jesus said in Matthew 6 in teaching his disciples to pray. guarding our hearts from hurt, not keeping a record of wrongs as Paul writes to the Ephesian church and not letting the sun go down on our wrath will enable our hearts to stay pure and communication lines open.

By the way, this will not sort out the initial cause of bankruptcy but will hopefully lead to reconciliation. The big question we must ask ourselves is why do we make withdrawals at all from the love banks of those we around us. Nowhere in scripture do we find God saying we should take love from others only that we should give love to others. Love is not to be taken but given by those who chose to give it to us. If we are taking love from others it is usually because we feel unloved ourselves. God is love and as an old Jewish man once said to me when I asked him what it means to have God as your Abba Father, he said, that's easy that means "God is your source and strength for everything". If we feel unloved, it is because we are trying to substitute God's love with the love of those around us.